It feels weird.
Like a dream, or maybe a horror movie were you can see yourself from outside.
Except this is real.

Cannot feel pain, anguish or joy. Last time I got hit, I panicked because I wasn't feeling the pain I was wondering why and how did I feel it. Well, to be honest every sensation has been replaced by one: Panic, fear of becoming a monster without true feelings. I need emotions. That's how I make decisions, I feel, I have always obeyed my feelings.

Is this as weird as I think or am I panicking again?

I wonder if anyone else feels the same. The worst part of it: I haven't noticed it, until it was too late. I spend most part of the last year avoiding the pain of love that I have lost not only my ability to feel hurt, but any capacity to feel something.

Why in the earth did I hear my mom? This is not mature, I could be mature if I can distinguish or control my emotions but I can't, I just stop feeling and started wondering why and how. Even "been scared" has been replaced by "why am I scared?, when was the last time I felt it?". I guess this is normal, as a reflexion exercise but this is not suppossed to happen the minute your scared.

I think I need stronger emotions.

The wind was like a warm and soft caress, slowly he moved her leg, streching his body and hanging his head on the border of the chair, nothing disturbed his dreams. A tasty smell came into his nostrils filling them with the irresistible scent of homemade chicken. He proved his left paw, each claw was perfect, there was no need to prove anything else, he was ready and hungry.

Late night, three days before New Years Eve...

She kept her eyes slighty closed as she moved around the room. This waiting was killing her, a bunch of questions hitted her heart once again - was she asking for too much love, time or dedication?, was it too much for a married woman? -
Just when her thoughts were moving her to a much darker place the door opened and she came in. The door closed right after a dark figure entered the room.
- Hi - Annie greeted,with a cheerful tone that she couldn't avoid.
A quick kiss in the lips was the only answer.
Annie sat in the edge of the bed and moved her hand trought the soft fabric of the blanket inviting the other woman to join her.
- Are you OK?-
Annie's tone wasn't cheerful now, her heart was talking now. As though the words were offensive, she sat down and started crying. Annie's hand touched her partner shoulder with her fingertips, scared of touching such a soft skin, took it all the way down her lover's arm until she reach her hand.
- Was it all wrong? - Now, Annie felt the lack of verbal communication - Did he hurt you? - Her voice was getting rude as she wanted to spit the man.
- No, he... -
- I... -
- I'm alright, is just that I have to tell you something - That sounded like the beginning of something really awful. Annie's heart jumped into her chest, she was going to tell the truth and it was going to be very difficult to hear, but honestly every moment with her had been much alike, full of doubts, anguish and crying. Annie chosed to be brave and feel grateful no matter what she said.
- I'm staying with him and I don't think we can see us in a month or so -
- Wow - that was exactly what Annie expected, even the words were the expected ones - OK, I have to go, I have an appointment -
She crossed the room, opened the door and felt the air filling her lungs and the sun over her face, not seeing her in a month or so was maybe the best gift she could ask for.